You may dismiss that racism is very much alive and well, because the narratives of those who are marginalized, who experience it, are often counter to your experience. But when ministering to those who suffer racism, be careful about dismissing their narratives. Because what’s normal for you and those of the majority culture is not normal for everyone. In order for you to … [Read more...]
What wise pastors are thinking while they listen
A church member or counselee sits down with his pastor. He opens his mouth to share his burdens and struggles. So, what thoughts are going through the wise pastor’s head as the person begins to speak? He’s thinking ... 1. I’ll give a better response if I listen first Wise pastors know the more information they gather from a person, the better response they’ll be able … [Read more...]
Helping those living with a narcissist
CareLeader.org asked me a series of questions about narcissistic (extremely self-centered) people and the challenges of living with a narcissist. This information will help you better understand the hurting person who comes to you for help, and how to guide him or her in communicating with a narcissistic spouse. What is narcissism? Narcissism is defined as a personality … [Read more...]
Counseling: Deciding where to begin
In life and counseling, finding the starting point can be difficult. Life is fluid enough that identifying where to begin with a life-dominating or complex struggle can feel like finding the beginning of a circle. In order to help you with this very important question, a five-level triage progression is outlined below. A struggle in one of the higher categories may have many … [Read more...]
“Pastor, I can’t forgive myself”
When our Christian counselee or church member says something like, “I just can’t forgive myself,” how do we respond? Perhaps it’s someone who has committed adultery or had an abortion or done something contrary to Scripture and, despite asking for and receiving God’s forgiveness, she refuses to forgive herself. We listen to her internal dialogue. She beats herself up saying … [Read more...]
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