A recent study shared that 47 percent of Christian men struggle with pornography, many of whom have a full-blown addiction to it. That’s almost half of the men in each congregation. The number is shocking. And while the church is making some strides in ministering to those men, not much effort is being made in ministering to their wives. For married men, the impact of an … [Read more...]
The initial marriage counseling session
Where do I start? Ministry requires never-ending learning and growing. I am constantly reminded about something I need to do and develop. Just a few weeks ago, a fellow elder emailed me, asking for guidance for how he and his wife should start their first meeting with a couple who was in marital crisis. My mind raced through my various training lessons and notes. What I … [Read more...]
5 common marriage counseling mistakes
Pastors are all familiar with that couple. The couple that asks for help and says something has to change, and now! But why the sudden urgency? Maybe something has come out: there’s been adultery, a secret sin, or an addiction that has been discovered. Or, it may be that what has been irritating for five, ten, or twenty years has reached a tipping point and become unbearable. … [Read more...]
“Help, I married the wrong person”
A man or woman comes into your office with a refrain you’ve heard too many times: “Pastor, this marriage isn’t working, and I think it’s best if my spouse and I part ways.” And then come the reasons—excuses—as to why this decision seems best. How will you address the excuses? What can you say that might make a difference? Here are five excuses that I’ve heard from people … [Read more...]
4 questions for abusive husbands
When working with husbands who have been abusive, you will find that most all of them have a stubborn blindness to what they are doing that is destructive to their wife. Their habit patterns are to blame and to accuse rather than take the time to reflect upon their own attitudes and behaviors. When they are asked the question, “Why did you behave that way?” their answer is … [Read more...]