Let’s begin with a case study. Todd, a middle-aged divorced man, says he is angry with God because, essentially, his life is falling apart. His wife left him for another man; his only child—a twenty-five-year-old son—is not very responsive to him anymore, and a stray dog recently killed his cat, which he thought was the only creature that seemed to love him. His life has not … [Read more...]
Helping people become aware of their desires, part 2
Earlier this week, we shared the first part of an interview with Jen Pollock Michel, author of Teach Us to Want: Longing, Ambition, and the Life of Faith. There she talked a bit about the nature of desire and evaluating the need for change. Below we explore with her the idea of contentment. We also share some practical approaches for pastors as they seek to help others … [Read more...]
The initial marriage counseling session
Where do I start? Ministry requires never-ending learning and growing. I am constantly reminded about something I need to do and develop. Just a few weeks ago, a fellow elder emailed me, asking for guidance for how he and his wife should start their first meeting with a couple who was in marital crisis. My mind raced through my various training lessons and notes. What I … [Read more...]
5 common marriage counseling mistakes
Pastors are all familiar with that couple. The couple that asks for help and says something has to change, and now! But why the sudden urgency? Maybe something has come out: there’s been adultery, a secret sin, or an addiction that has been discovered. Or, it may be that what has been irritating for five, ten, or twenty years has reached a tipping point and become unbearable. … [Read more...]
Counseling the perfectionist
Chances are that you will rarely, if ever, have someone ask for your help in overcoming perfectionism. Yet perfectionism may be very common in those who seek out your help. If perfectionists rarely ask for help overcoming perfectionism, what might motivate a perfectionist to come to you for help? Perfectionists may approach you seeking help for: their marriage … [Read more...]
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