I was sitting at home on a Saturday talking with my parents, who were visiting from out of state. The phone rang, and I was shocked to hear the reason for the call. On the other end of the phone was a man from church, Don.1 “Jeff, it’s Don. Carol has flipped out. I don’t know what to do.” “Don, what do you mean by ‘flipped out’? What is happening?” “We were having a … [Read more...]
The pastor and emotional intelligence, part 3: The surprising way your emotions affect your thinking
Consider the following scenarios. How are they similar to one another? How are they different from one another? Scenario #1: Cain Murders Abel (Gen. 4:3–9) Scenario #2: Jesus Disrupts Profiteering in the Temple Courtyard (John 2:13–17) In both of these scenarios we read about experiences with anger, and in both cases the anger motivates a strong response … [Read more...]
Helping people rediscover joy in trials
How do you help believers overwhelmed by a whirlwind of trials benefit from what the New Testament writers have to say about joy? First, keep in mind the nature of biblical joy: Joy is fueled by valuing what God values so that as we see Him at work, there is a genuine excitement about what He is accomplishing. Consequently, without submitting to the Spirit and avoiding … [Read more...]
The emotionally intelligent pastor, part 2: A biblical perspective on emotions
Suppose Tara, age thirty, shares the following story with you: She experienced a breakup with her boyfriend, Derek, about two months ago. She was crushed, because she thought they might eventually get married. Tara describes her extreme disappointment and a desire to move on with her life. She hopes to be happy for Derek when he does find someone else to spend his life with, … [Read more...]
The emotionally intelligent pastor, part 1: How emotionally intelligent are you?
Brent is a twentysomething seminary student who comes for counseling because of a growing concern expressed by his wife, Monica. She thinks he comes across at times as cold or insensitive. Although that is a sufficient reason to seek counseling, she presses even further. Monica argues that since he wants to be a pastor, she is concerned that his emotional cluelessness would be … [Read more...]