I was sitting at home on a Saturday talking with my parents, who were visiting from out of state. The phone rang, and I was shocked to hear the reason for the call. On the other end of the phone was a man from church, Don.1 “Jeff, it’s Don. Carol has flipped out. I don’t know what to do.” “Don, what do you mean by ‘flipped out’? What is happening?” “We were having a … [Read more...]
The emotionally intelligent pastor, part 2: A biblical perspective on emotions
Suppose Tara, age thirty, shares the following story with you: She experienced a breakup with her boyfriend, Derek, about two months ago. She was crushed, because she thought they might eventually get married. Tara describes her extreme disappointment and a desire to move on with her life. She hopes to be happy for Derek when he does find someone else to spend his life with, … [Read more...]
The emotionally intelligent pastor, part 1: How emotionally intelligent are you?
Brent is a twentysomething seminary student who comes for counseling because of a growing concern expressed by his wife, Monica. She thinks he comes across at times as cold or insensitive. Although that is a sufficient reason to seek counseling, she presses even further. Monica argues that since he wants to be a pastor, she is concerned that his emotional cluelessness would be … [Read more...]
Are you discouraged by the fruit of your counseling?
I have served as a counselor now for fifteen years. I would like to say that during those years I have perfected my craft to the point that I witness stunning results with every person I serve. To make such a claim, however, would reek of dishonesty. The fact remains that even with fifteen years under my belt, I continue to encounter people and situations in which my perceived … [Read more...]
Mastering the art of silence
Counsel in a man’s heart is deep water; but a man of understanding draws it out.” (Prov. 20:5 HCSB) One of the hardest tools I learned in my graduate studies was the art of silence. For many of us, when we are in a conversation with another person, silence is so AWKWARD. Our instinct is to try to fill it quickly! To avoid silence, we ask questions. We try to relate by … [Read more...]