In my thirty years of doing conflict resolution with Peacemaker Ministries, I saw God bring about marvelous reconciliations I never would have dreamed possible. But not all conflicts resolved well. In some cases, relationships were broken, pastors left churches, marriages ended. And even when there was reconciliation, there were often scars that took a long time to heal. … [Read more...]
The emotionally intelligent pastor, part 4: Managing your emotions
I was sitting at home on a Saturday talking with my parents, who were visiting from out of state. The phone rang, and I was shocked to hear the reason for the call. On the other end of the phone was a man from church, Don.1 “Jeff, it’s Don. Carol has flipped out. I don’t know what to do.” “Don, what do you mean by ‘flipped out’? What is happening?” “We were having a … [Read more...]
The pastor and emotional intelligence, part 3: The surprising way your emotions affect your thinking
Consider the following scenarios. How are they similar to one another? How are they different from one another? Scenario #1: Cain Murders Abel (Gen. 4:3–9) Scenario #2: Jesus Disrupts Profiteering in the Temple Courtyard (John 2:13–17) In both of these scenarios we read about experiences with anger, and in both cases the anger motivates a strong response … [Read more...]
Helping people rediscover joy in trials
How do you help believers overwhelmed by a whirlwind of trials benefit from what the New Testament writers have to say about joy? First, keep in mind the nature of biblical joy: Joy is fueled by valuing what God values so that as we see Him at work, there is a genuine excitement about what He is accomplishing. Consequently, without submitting to the Spirit and avoiding … [Read more...]
The emotionally intelligent pastor, part 2: A biblical perspective on emotions
Suppose Tara, age thirty, shares the following story with you: She experienced a breakup with her boyfriend, Derek, about two months ago. She was crushed, because she thought they might eventually get married. Tara describes her extreme disappointment and a desire to move on with her life. She hopes to be happy for Derek when he does find someone else to spend his life with, … [Read more...]