John and Carol were in counseling for over a year. Their presenting problem was identified as communication issues and difficulties agreeing on how to discipline their teenage son. John was a deacon in their church and managed security for a large corporation. Carol was a homemaker. They were married seventeen years, their son just turned fifteen, and they had two younger … [Read more...]
10 indicators of successful, domestic-abuse counseling
In this reprinted article, counselor Leslie Vernick responds to a tricky question about “progress” after domestic abuse has been confronted. We trust you will benefit from her counsel to this woman. Consider how your conclusions about successful counseling of conflicted couples compare to hers. A question for Leslie Can you give suggestions as to what to look for … [Read more...]
4 questions for abusive husbands
When working with husbands who have been abusive, you will find that most all of them have a stubborn blindness to what they are doing that is destructive to their wife. Their habit patterns are to blame and to accuse rather than take the time to reflect upon their own attitudes and behaviors. When they are asked the question, “Why did you behave that way?” their answer is … [Read more...]
Helping couples reestablish trust
Over at my blog, a marriage support group leader asked me, “If a previously unfaithful husband is really working hard to win trust and he appears to be doing the right thing AND his wife refuses to trust him after months (maybe years) of anger, etc., what should the husband do next?” Here’s how I responded to her. I hope it will help give you ideas on how to help couples … [Read more...]
“Pastor, I can’t forgive myself”
When our Christian counselee or church member says something like, “I just can’t forgive myself,” how do we respond? Perhaps it’s someone who has committed adultery or had an abortion or done something contrary to Scripture and, despite asking for and receiving God’s forgiveness, she refuses to forgive herself. We listen to her internal dialogue. She beats herself up saying … [Read more...]